3 Mistakes Control Freaks Make in Relationships

You can control the things you do on a daily basis and control most aspects of your life, but the one thing you can’t control is other people. I am the first to admit that I am a control freak. I am constantly reminded of this when in relationship with others and over the years I have learnt to strangely love this part of myself. But as much as I can embrace my controlling personality, I know that it’s unhealthy to want to control my partner, and so I avoid doing this at all costs. The fact is, being a control freak in a relationship is not healthy, and is often detrimental in long term relationships.

Here are 3 common mistakes that control freaks make in relationships:

#1 Dictating who your partner can and can not see

This is a definite no no in relationships and a huge mistake that control freaks make if they are feeling jealous. Telling your partner they can't see someone will only give them the fuel to want to see them more! If you feel like your partner may be led astray by this person, the worst mistake you can make is to turn the person into a ‘forbidden fruit’.

#2 Telling your partner how to behave in a fight

We all have different ways of dealing with conflict and the worst thing you can do is invalidate how your partner is feeling. Allow your partner to feel what they feel, and avoid telling them they are silly, or that their emotions are ridiculous. Simply listening to what your partner has to say and not wanting to always be right is a great way to deal with conflict. Their reaction is theirs, and your reaction is yours, and that’s ok.

#3 Leaving as soon as things get hard

We’ve all done it at some stage, bailing when things get hard. Being in a loving relationship is going to feel vulnerable, and control freaks lose control when vulnerability appears. It’s time to let go and allow yourself to lose control and feel your emotions. Running away when things are hard is not always the answer and doing this means you are potentially throwing away an amazingly fulfilling relationship.

Published in the Gold Coast Bulletin November, 2015