6 Tips On How To Have a Great Threesome (for couples)

Ever wondered what it would be like to have a threesome? If you’re reading this, it’s likely that you’re curious. Perhaps you have no clue where to find the ideal person to experience it with? Or maybe you already have someone lined up for a threesome with your partner, but you’re not sure how to make it a ‘fool proof’ experience?

As a sex and relationship coach I spend a lot of time with my clients discussing the ‘how-to’s’ of threesomes … the who, what, where, when and why’s. You see, threesomes sound fun (and they definitely can be VERY fun), but a lot of couples have fears about stuff going wrong. So, I’ve come up with six top tips that are guaranteed to help you have the best experience possible:

#1 Open communication

Sounds like a basic tip, right? It is, but most of us actually find open communication difficult, especially when it comes to sex. Open communication, put simply, is talking about everything and being really authentic and honest when communicating our needs, desires and fears.

Open communication is a MUST for every person involved in a threesome. If you’re a couple, and you’re looking for the ideal third party, I recommend making it a pre-requisite that the third person is a great communicator. Open communication ensures that no one is left in the dark, and everything is discussed and on the table, so to speak.

Open communication is essential before, during and after the threesome.

#2 Write a list of what you want & manifest your perfect ‘third party’

Couples come to me saying they want a threesome and when I ask them who they ideally want to have it with they shrug their shoulders and have no clue! First step to finding an amazing person is knowing what you want. Sit down as a couple with a pen and paper and write down a list of everything you want in your new threesome lover. Simply writing it down will energetically tell the universe what you want and attract that in to your lives.

Here’s a basic example (based on what I would want!):

Attractive - someone we are both sexually attracted to (must be SUPER hot)
Loving and respectful
A conscious being who knows who they are, knows how to be open, honest and mindful of us all
Sexy as fuck
Respectful of our relationship and has an open heart
Sexually empowered

#3 Have extensive chats about boundaries and consent

The biggest mistake couples can make is that they find a threesome buddy and jump into the experience without discussing boundaries and consent. I’ve made this mistake once and I very quickly learnt my lesson! All three people need to be open and honest about what boundaries they have sexually and emotionally. When boundaries are set prior to the experience everyone feels a lot safer and the threesome will be way more fun.

Consent is saying a definite ‘YES’, or a definite ‘NO’. So for example, when you are in the midst of the experience, and you ask your partner if they are ok if you have some time by yourself with the other person involved, and your partner says ‘NO’, this needs to be respected.

Here’s some examples of boundaries:

I’m not comfortable with my anus being touched or penetrated, but I am comfortable with my pussy being touched.
I request that no penetrative sex is explored the first time that we all come together. I am however comfortable with receiving or giving oral sex.
My personal boundary is that you two don't kiss, unless I give consent and it feels right in the moment.
I request that when/if we feel triggered, we will communicate that and respect each other’s triggers
I request that if I want to stop at any stage that it stops immediately and that my request is respected

#4 Think outside the box when searching for your ideal threesome lover

Lots of couples ask me where they can find someone for a threesome. Reality is there are SO many different ways to find someone, so it’s simply a question of where to begin. Even better, you may not have to actively search … you may find that once you decide that it’s something you both want, the ideal person will walk into your life. Before you begin though, remember to discuss what you want and write that list (refer to tip #2).

When you feel you may have found someone that you both want to engage with, I suggest that both partners are involved in the first meeting. Perhaps one of you met the person first, at a party or on social media, but both of you need to be involved when it comes to meeting up and discussing the possibility of a threesome. Or, if you prefer, it may work better if you chat to the third person via text or online … if this is the case, I highly recommend that ALL three people are involved in those messages. This ensures that neither party feels left out and that there is always clear and transparent communication between you all.

Ideas of where to find people for a threesome:

Tinder, and the other 1000’s of online dating apps
Parties
Local fitness clubs or dance classes
Friends of friends (or simply, friends)
Local sex parties
Conscious communities, in particular Tantric groups or workshops
Tantra retreats

#5 Discuss protection, and use it

This discussion is essential when inviting another person into your sexual juices, so to speak. Condoms are a must, for all sexual experiences, be it with a woman and man, or women who are using dildos on other women. STI’s are easily transmitted, especially when there is a lot of different swapping and changing going on in group sex. Be safe, use protection. No excuses.

#6 Go with the flow

Ok so you’ve found your ideal threesome lover and you’ve followed my above tips, now it’s time to surrender to the experience and go with the flow. Reality is, there’s no guarantee it’s going to run smoothly … it may be a disaster, it may be the best experience of your life … you won’t know until you go there! Know that this experience, no matter how it turns out, is a part of your life journey, and trust that it’s all happening at the right time. Surrender and enjoy!