The Difference Between Good Sex, Takeaway Sex & Ecstatic Sex

I'm feeling inspired today to write about how important it is for women and men to make wise choices around who we enjoy sex with and make love to. FYI - I'm not about to lay down some silly law and say that fucking randoms or enjoying one-night-stands is out of the question ... no, I'm all for every kind of interlude, sexual encounter and experience. However, in all instances, I believe we need to choose who we sleep with very wisely.

As women, when we allow ourselves to be penetrated by another, we open our pussy and womb space (and quite possibly mouth and ass) up to the consciousness of our chosen lover. We take them into us physically and, we take them into us energetically. We absorb their consciousness into our entire being. Often when this happens we open ourselves up to all sorts of emotions and feelings that impact us on a deep level in both positive and negative ways.

When we choose to open to another being sexually, there are three types of sex that we may experience (and yes, there are definitely more than three types of sex, but for today, we are focussing on the following):

‘Good' Sex (aka average sex)

You choose an awesome person to share yourself with sexually, you have fun, and you feel good afterwards. No strings attached, no come down, yet nothing life-changing or awe-inspiring. This is what I like to call ‘good sex’.

“How’s the sex with him?”

“Yeah, good.”

Takeaway Sex (aka soul-sucking sex)

This type of sex is often ‘fun’ and exciting in the moment, however it lacks substance and is often driven by lust and a connection solely at our sex centre. This type of sex is the type of sex that often occurs when we are under the influence of substances (mainly alcohol and drugs) … and likely happens with strangers, or randoms who we just met.

Takeaway sex is likely to happen if you choose a lover who has a messy and unclear energy, or you choose someone based solely on a connection at your sex centre. You may find that after this style of sex you feel somewhat hungover ... like a sex 'come down' of sorts. This is because, as mentioned above, you are taking their consciousness into your body (aka ALL the other people they've slept with, their mental health, their ‘stuff’, their shitty food choices, their alcohol and drug addictions … not to mention their hangups around sex itself). Note: often the ‘sex hangover’ isn’t instant … days later you may find yourself cooking in the kitchen and feel a wave of dis-ease come over you, often not being able to pinpoint exactly what it is. This is a clear sign that you are energetically drained and your being is processing the consciousness of that lover.

“How was the sex with him?”

“Fuck, so much fun. But also fucking weird, like afterwards I felt empty and a bit used. Probably shouldn’t go back there.”

Ecstatic Sex (this is the real deal, the stuff dreams are made of)

This type of sex is definitely in the love-making category. The experience is often an ecstatic, deeply connected, magical moment in time that leaves our hearts feeling cracked wide open, and creates a deep connection that lingers in our entire being for hours, days, weeks and possibly even years. The existing connection with our lover can deepen dramatically after this style of sex and is often a deeply vulnerable and moving moment in time. After the sex it’s common to feel elated, high and ‘cracked wide open’. There may also be a feeling of deep vulnerability that comes up around the depth of the intimacy and love that we experienced … these feelings post ecstatic sex are normal and natural and to be embraced. This style of sex is the opposite of takeaway sex, it’s gourmet, and you know you’re onto a good thing if you experience it.

“How’s the sex with him?’

“No words. Fucking mind-blowing.”

So, how do we move away from takeaway sex and good sex and begin to experience the style of sex that nourishes our soul? Well, we face all the stuff that gets in the way of us fully feeling our worthiness, and we bring the focus back to our relationship with ourself. This is where it all begins, integrating the masculine and feminine energy within us so that we feel completely whole. And this is when, most likely, we begin to attract in lovers who can meet us at every centre in our body.