Parents: Keep making these 5 mistakes, and you’ll go from lovers to flatmates - fast.
1. Sleep in separate beds
Look, I get it - sometimes separate sleep feels necessary. One of you snores, you co-sleep and don’t all fit, or someone’s up late working. But making this a habit? It slowly erodes intimacy. Trust me, I’ve been there and it has a direct impact that isn’t positive.
Physical closeness matters, even if it’s just falling asleep beside each other. If you must sleep apart, find ways to reconnect and co-regulate - cuddle before bed, have morning intimacy, or if co-sleeping, invest in a bigger bed (or push two together) so you can all sleep together.
2. Put the kids to bed late and miss out on 1:1 time
When your evenings revolve around your kids, there’s little energy left for each other. If bedtime is creeping later and later, you’re sacrificing precious connection time. Prioritise an earlier wind-down so you get at least an hour together - without distractions - before bed. Even a simple chat on the couch or lying in bed together can make a difference.
3. Don’t kiss hello and goodbye
It sounds small, but these micro-moments of connection are huge. A quick kiss, a lingering hug, or even just making eye contact and smiling when you part ways can shift the energy of your entire relationship. If you’re walking past each other like flatmates, start bringing these little moments back. They add up.
4. Make every conversation about the kids instead of each other
When was the last time you talked about something other than the kids? It’s so easy to slip into co-parent mode, where every conversation is about logistics, schedules, how cute they are, or who’s packing lunch tomorrow. But your relationship needs more than that. Ask each other meaningful questions, share your dreams, flirt. Remember - you were lovers before you were parents.
5. Let screens take over - scrolling in bed or on the couch instead of connecting
You get into bed, grab your phone, and suddenly 30 minutes (or an hour) disappears into emails, Instagram, or Netflix. It’s a total intimacy killer. Set some boundaries - put your phones away after a certain time, create a phone-free bedroom, or simply choose to be present with each other instead of with your screens.
6. Stop planning intentional date nights or quality time together
If you don’t prioritise quality time, it won’t happen. Life is full, parenting is demanding, and connection requires effort. Whether it’s a date night, a weekend away, or just cooling each other dinner after the kids go to sleep, make sure you’re intentionally carving out space to nurture your relationship. Without it, you’ll wake up one day and realise you’re just co-existing
