Communication 101: How to be an effective listener

#1 Refocus your listening

A lot of the time, when we talk to someone, it’s easy to become focused on what you want to say next. Instead, be present and receptive to what the person is telling you in the moment. Let go of preconceived ideas of the person and the situation and listen carefully to what they’re saying with intent and deep curiosity

#2 Don’t jump in

Create a container for the person to express more by not injecting your input too soon. Our first instinct might be to reframe the situation or find a way to solve the problem. If you feel tempted to minimise, reframe, or solve the issue, remember that the urge doesn’t serve your purpose and transition back to active listening.

#3 Abstain from judgment & be affirming

The point of holding space and listening is to be there for that person, without judgment. Repeat back what they’ve said so they know you've been listening and feel understood. Offer affirming words to remind them that you support them in opening up and communicating what they want to express.

#4 Be open to whatever emotions come up

If projections are thrown at you, don’t take it personally, just be aware of it. Allow space for the other person to express what they need to. Keep your own issues and experiences separate from this interaction so you can focus on being there for the other person. It’s about supporting that person to uncover the deeper truth behind what they are saying and understand their true feelings.

#5 Ask permission

Resist the urge to offer an opinion or try to fix the problem. Before offering your reflections or feedback to a person, ask for their permission– and be prepared for them to say no. You can say something like 'Are you open to my relfections on this?" or "Are you open to me offering my opinion?"

#6 Honour the person

Thank them for sharing. It can be hard to be vulnerable and open with someone. If you want to foster a relationship with this person that encourages open communication, then let them know how grateful you are for their honesty and openess.

#7 Call Timeout

Recognise when you are unable to hold space and know that it’s okay to call timeout. Acknowledge the person's need for your presence, openly communicate that you cannot currently offer what they deserve, and then allocate the time to revisit it once you can hold space.

Holding space takes practice. Keep these tips in mind to guide you as you hold space for others and for yourself.