Your Key to Ecstatic Sex
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You’ve probably heard of breath work for stress relief, but what about for better orgasms?
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All signs point to yes.
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It’s the silent epidemic that most of will suffer from at some stage in our lives; loss of our mojo (aka sex drive). It’s a killer, especially when we are head over heels in love with our partner, and yet something in our mind and body clicks, and all-of-a-sudden we are literally sexless.
So, how do we keep our mojo alive on a daily basis? Well to be honest I think it’s completely normal and natural not to want sex every day, but I also think it’s not too big an ask to want to at least feel sexual daily (even if we don’t engage in the actual physical sex).
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Firstly, being busy does not equal success. I believe being busy (and using ‘busy’ as an excuse for not showing up in your life) is a bad excuse for not having an amazing life (including an amazing sex life). Fact is, we make time for what’s important in our lives…if your sex life is important, make time for it. No excuses.
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It’s a common challenge in long-term relationships; all of a sudden ‘life’ seems to get in the way of mind-blowing sex and we are caught in something I like to call a ‘sex rut’. Ewwwwww… a sex rut, sounds shocking, doesn’t it. The fact is, many couples reading this are nodding their heads and agreeing that their sex life has turned to crap.
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One of the biggest questions I get asked as a sexologist is ‘How do my partner and I take sex from f*cking… to making love?’ Unfortunately, there’s no simple and easy way to answer this question because each couple is different, and each individual brings their own ‘stuff’ into the relationship. By ‘stuff’, I mean challenges from the past; childhood trauma, abuse, past relationship baggage…all the pain experienced as a human that is left unresolved, pushed down and not dealt with. Much of this pain prevents us from getting close to our partner. By close, I mean truly intimate, connected and spiritually united.
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It seems there are a few damaging myths surrounding masturbation that need to be cleared up. The first myth is ‘If my partner masturbates, it means our sex life is inadequate’ and the second myth is ‘Masturbating means I won’t want sex with my partner because I will be ‘orgasmed out’.’ News flash; both of these myths are not true, in fact masturbation is a healthy and normal part of life and is a positive addition to any romantic relationship.
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What I’ve discovered about me over the past few months is that I’ve been really great at being the ‘strong’ woman. From a very young age I remember being proud of the fact that I was ‘independent’. This got me through my parent’s divorce, allowed me to travel the world alone at age 17, carried me through the break down of my relationship with my daughter’s father, and then got me through the ongoing homophobia I experienced when I came out as Bisexual and entered into a relationship with a woman.
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Firstly, I believe we need to be honest and open with our children. This means no silly stories about ‘stalks’ bringing babies, and no ignoring the fact that your children are being exposed to sex via media and porn from a very young age. If you feel uncomfortable talking about sex to your children, this is a sign that you yourself need to work on your own ‘stuff’ that prevents you from being able to talk to your own children about it. Go see a therapist, read about sex, educate yourself, and deal with any past trauma that’s preventing you from being comfortable with the topic.
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Nudity isn’t for everyone, but for me, it’s everything. Put simply, being naked is my natural state of being and wearing clothes feels restrictive. I understand that for many people this may sound ‘too much’, or perhaps it challenges people because the only time they’re naked is in the shower. Either way, I respect that we are all unique in our attitude towards nudity, but what I think we all need to agree on is spending time nude is completely normal and natural, and nudity is downright sexy.
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When we choose to be in romantic relationship with another human, we choose to bare our soul and open our heart… all the while knowing that it may not work, it may not be the ‘forever fairytale’ we heard of as children, and it may, in the end, break our fu*cking heart to tiny little pieces. Yet knowing all this, we still enter into relationship… because there’s nothing quite like love and sex and all the fun stuff that relationship entails.
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As a sexologist, I have a bookcase full of sex-related books that I regularly re-read for inspiration and education. Reading is a fantastic way to self-educate, which is essential if you want a plentiful and pleasurable sex life. If you’re in a relationship, reading about sex can open up a healthy discussion about sex with your partner, and is a sure fire way to spice up your sex life. If you’re single, there is no better time than now to begin empowering yourself as a sexual being. Reading about sex is bound to attract amazing sexual experiences into your life, and there’s nothing better than a well educated and confident lover!
The following is a list of 4 books that have something for everyone. I can almost guarantee that if you read them you will learn something new and feel inspired to live a life full of amazing and plentiful sex.
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Many clients come to me and report that sex is boring … it’s quick and very orgasm focussed and there’s something missing. Often my clients can’t pinpoint what is missing, but they know that there must be more to sex than what they’re experiencing. That something is the connection and intimacy that they unconsciously desire with their partner/lover and they don't know it's missing because they've never experienced it before.
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Why is it that people are hung up on the LGBTIQ labels? My belief is that labels box us into categories… which in turn gives the people around us some sort of understanding about who we are and where we ‘fit’ in. I don’t like the concept of labels, my wish is that we respect each other as humans and our sexuality doesn’t have to come into the equation if we are anything other than ‘straight’. But hey, labels are a huge part of our world, so what does that mean if we don’t seem to fit into any specific LGBTIQ category?
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Ladies, let’s be completely honest, there’s nothing worse than having a vagina that’s feeling a little ‘under the weather’. An itchy, sore, irritated vagina is downright annoying and if it’s an ongoing challenge it can seriously affect our physical and mental health and wellbeing. Reality is, vaginas are sensitive creatures that need tender loving care all-year-round. Here’s some practical tips on how you can take care of your precious love-making yoni on a daily basis.
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It’s a common and understandable challenge that many couples experience when they enter parenthood; the loss of libido and drive for the sex that once was. Let’s face it, parenthood isn’t all glitz and glamour, parenthood is full on. Yes, it’s a magical time and, as a Mother, I wouldn’t change a thing … but the demands of sleepless nights, breastfeeding, changes in hormones etc really does shake things up … and at the end of the day, couples struggle to make time for intimacy and connection, let alone mind-blowing sex.
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Earlier this month I gifted myself a brand new Rose Quartz pleasure wand (aka dildo). Yes, you heard right, I bought an actual rose quartz crystal that’s been carved into a beautiful wand/cock/phallic-like shape and made specifically to insert inside the vagina for ultimate pleasure.
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